Sunday, October 2, 2011

My sweet Tiger baby....

Apparently I suck at the whole blogging thing. My last post was in May and it is October now. I guess I have a hard time just writing unless I have something really big weighing on me or going on with me or my family. I wish I was the kind of person who can blog everyday about the good and the bad. I feel like I am always just writing about the bad. So, here I go once again blogging about something that isn't happy and joyful. But this is a way that I can get my feelings out so here goes...

Things have been really good lately. I mean amazing! Little Victoria is growing strong and most of my medical issues have resolved themselves. The kids are finally settling well in school and Gene hasn't been too stressed at work. I have almost got the house in order for when little miss makes her appearance. So when I got a bad feeling about Gene leaving to go out of town on business I just thought I was being crazy. Should have know that I wasn't. Gene left at 6:30am and then I got myself and the kids ready to go to church. As I was turning off my street onto the main road I noticed something that has left me with a constant sick feeling in my stomach. My precious Tiger our pet cat that is really a member of the family was dead in the road.

I have been a mess all day! I have tried to keep it together for the kids but it has been so hard! He was my baby! There will never be another cat like him and that is for sure!! The kids are devastated. I so wish that Gene was home right now but he isn't. I tried to stay away from the house all day and wish I didn't have to be here right now. Every time I pulled up I just expected to see him run for the door only to be reminded that I will never see that again. I keep thinking that I am hearing him meowing at the door to get in and then have to remind myself that  he isn't there it is just my imagination. 

I know that it will get better but it is so hard right now and I know that he was just a pet but I feel like I have lost one of my babies. My heart is just hurting so bad and I don't know what to do to make it better. I walked into the kitchen tonight and filled up the water bowl for the other 2 cats and was reminded of how silly Tiger would not drink out of the water bowl he would put his paw in and scoop up the water. What I would give to see him do that again...

I just hope that tomorrow gets a little bit better. :( 

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Update on things

So I failed to really update everyone after my 2nd ultrasound. Sorry! It has been a little crazy around my house. I have been so sick that just getting up every morning and getting the kids off to school was almost impossible. I am happy to say that I am much better now and have finally gotten almost all of my old self back!

Ok, so my 2nd ultrasound was much better than the first. Baby looked good with a great heartbeat and the sac had attached another 5%. I had also lost 4 pounds which was no surprise to me since I had been so sick. This time instead of saying that I had to come back in 2 weeks he told me to come back in 4 weeks which was a better sign!

Fast forward to today...I went in for my 3rd ultrasound I am now 13 weeks 4 days. It is so amazing to see little squirt on the monitor. He/she has changed so much since the last one! The sac is completely attached now! But, I now have placenta previa...which can be really bad but since I am having a C-Section it isn't as much of a risk as it could be. The only thing that I have to worry about is that I might have some bleeding and it could cause me to go into early labor. The doctor didn't seem to be very worried about it so unless I start bleeding or contracting I am not going to try not to worry either. I was hoping to be able to see if we were going to have another boy or girl. Well I think it is a girl just because how stubborn the baby was being. LOL We could not get a good look. The baby kept turning it's back on us and wiggling around. So, looks like I won't find out till about the middle or end of June. :( I am very happy that everything looked good though! Baby seems to be healthy and having a good ole time in there. haha

Thank you everyone for the prayers and support!!! I am so lucky to have all my amazing family and friends to share all this with!! Love you all!!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Little Squirt

So it actually happened! God blessed us with a baby. We found out about a week and a half ago right before we were going to Florida on Spring Break. Of course with all my health issues this past year I was a little concerned that something would be wrong. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday with an ultrasound to check everything out and make sure all is well. We saw our little squirt and he or she's little heartbeat. Everything looked good except for the fact that the sac around the baby, which I think they call the yolk sac at this stage, has not completely attached to my uterus. If I understood the doctor correctly it has attached 90% of the way but there is still 10% that has not attached. This puts me at a small risk for miscarriage. The doctor didn't seem to be too concerned about it and did not put me on bed rest. I am trying not to worry and tell myself that I am only 7 weeks along and I have never had an ultrasound this early so maybe I had this with Jack and Addison and didn't even know because it was done attaching before I saw them.

Another concern is the fact that I have insulin resistance. This puts me at a great risk of having gestational diabetes and the doctor told me that it also slightly increases my risk of having a miscarriage.

The whole evening all I could think about was how maybe we should have waited to tell everyone and maybe we should have waited even longer to tell the kids. What if I have my first miscarriage. What will I tell the kids. I keep thinking about how I haven't been very strict on my diet and I had stopped taking my medicine for the insulin resistance because I wasn't sure if could take that while pregnant. The doctor told me that I need to stay on that medicine to decrease my chances of gestational diabetes and miscarriage. So then I keep thinking what if it is too late to start back on my medicine...What if I missed very important days without it...

These are all the things going through my head right now and will continue to cloud my mind in the next 2 weeks. I am just going to take it easy and pray that if this is still God's will then he will let us have a healthy baby and keep me ok during the pregnancy and delivery. Everyone's prayers are greatly appreciated. I am very thankful to know that a have a great group of friends and family that will be there for me during this!!

Monday, February 21, 2011

So much has happened!

I feel like it has been 6 months since I last posted and it has only been about 2. So much has happened since I was last writing on here.

My little sister got married on January 22nd. That was a very interesting/stressful event. I am really amazed at how rude some of the people involved really were!! My poor grandparents got the worst of it and all they were doing was trying to be thoughtful and generous. I will stop my has been really weird to have the wedding over. I think that all I thought about and focused on was her wedding for the past month or so. Because I have found a lot of free time on my hands since then. haha I can't believe she is married and moved to Kentucky! Jack keeps asking where she is. I think he really misses her!

Lets see what else happened....Oh Gene was offered a job as the sales rep. for his biologic division up in Louisville, KY. He keeps going back and forth about if he wants try to go for it or not. I really don't want to leave Memphis and all our friends and family but at the same time it is an amazing job opportunity for him. So, we are going to keep praying and wait and see about how that pans out. It could be April or May before we know anything solid about it. The job hasn't even been announced to be available yet but Gene was their first call so that was pretty big.

Today starts my weight loss "challenge" that Gene has given me. He told me that if I can get down to the size 8 that I want to be he will buy my a whole new wardrobe!! I am so excited there is nothing like some good motivation!! I hope to have some good news to report in the next few weeks.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

2011 Will Be My Year!!

   When I look back on all that has happened in 2010 I am really kind of shocked that I made it through. I know that sounds bad, and that I didn't have it as bad as some people did but I would say that it was for sure a year of tears, worries and troubles along with joys and excitement.

   I learned what it is like to love someone so much that, to see them go through something so terrible and watch them hurt and struggle, that you actually feel all their pain with them. I didn't think that it was possible but it is and I am glad to know that I have a forever friendship with someone that is that powerful. I love you Leah and I am so happy that God gave me the best friend anyone could ever ask for!!! I feel like I could not thank you enough for all you have done for me!!

   I had some pretty scary health issues that I am working on over coming and I am so glad that for now my outcome with that looks really good! It will always be a worry in the back of my mind that it will come back and be worse than last time but I am leaving that in God's hands. It isn't easy to do that though. You hear everyone tell you to not worry that God is in control but how can you not worry. I have had a pretty yucky cold for almost 3weeks now and it has started to creep into the back of my mind that my immune system is probably down and that when that happens the risk of my hpv coming back is greater. But, with 2011 starting I am going to try this new chapter in life and hopefully do a little less worrying.

   One of the things that I have really been struggling with this year is my depression issues. I have had some problems with it in the past but never really wanted to completely come out and tell a lot of my friends and I feel like it has probably cost me some friendships and that just brings me to tears. I feel like I can't really explain how I feel to everyone where they will understand. This past month has been really bad. I had days that I just wanted to stay in bed all day, sleep and not see or talk to anyone. There are a lot of times that people will call me and I just can not talk to anyone and then I don't call them back because I feel like I need an excuse as to why I didn't answer in the first place. It is really messed up and so am I but, I am starting this year off right and that means that I am going to being seeing someone at the Christian Psychological Center. I have been trying to just handle this myself but it just isn't working so I am going to swallow my pride and go talk to someone that I think can help me.

   On a happy note, this year has brought some really good things too! We have a house that I think is perfect for our family and it makes it possible for Jack, and then Addison next year to go to the school that we think will be good for both of them! I finally got my own car!! Thanks to my brother-in-law we got a really good deal on my Ford Explorer and I love it!! I started my lia sophia business and am so excited to really grow it this year! I like the thought that I can work and bring home some extra money for us while still being able to be available for Jack and Addison whenever they need me!

   I am truly blessed and couldn't ask for a better family and friends!! It has been a roller coaster of a year but I really have high hopes for 2011 and like to say that it is going to be my year! I am going to get my health all in order including loosing all my extra 'baby' weight that I have been carrying for the past 4 years. I know, I know that sounds so typical but I am serious!! We will continue to pray that God blesses us with another little munchkin if that is his will. I can not wait to see what this new year brings us. I feel like we went through so much last year that we should be prepared for whatever this year brings. We shall see..... :)