Saturday, January 1, 2011

2011 Will Be My Year!!

   When I look back on all that has happened in 2010 I am really kind of shocked that I made it through. I know that sounds bad, and that I didn't have it as bad as some people did but I would say that it was for sure a year of tears, worries and troubles along with joys and excitement.

   I learned what it is like to love someone so much that, to see them go through something so terrible and watch them hurt and struggle, that you actually feel all their pain with them. I didn't think that it was possible but it is and I am glad to know that I have a forever friendship with someone that is that powerful. I love you Leah and I am so happy that God gave me the best friend anyone could ever ask for!!! I feel like I could not thank you enough for all you have done for me!!

   I had some pretty scary health issues that I am working on over coming and I am so glad that for now my outcome with that looks really good! It will always be a worry in the back of my mind that it will come back and be worse than last time but I am leaving that in God's hands. It isn't easy to do that though. You hear everyone tell you to not worry that God is in control but how can you not worry. I have had a pretty yucky cold for almost 3weeks now and it has started to creep into the back of my mind that my immune system is probably down and that when that happens the risk of my hpv coming back is greater. But, with 2011 starting I am going to try this new chapter in life and hopefully do a little less worrying.

   One of the things that I have really been struggling with this year is my depression issues. I have had some problems with it in the past but never really wanted to completely come out and tell a lot of my friends and I feel like it has probably cost me some friendships and that just brings me to tears. I feel like I can't really explain how I feel to everyone where they will understand. This past month has been really bad. I had days that I just wanted to stay in bed all day, sleep and not see or talk to anyone. There are a lot of times that people will call me and I just can not talk to anyone and then I don't call them back because I feel like I need an excuse as to why I didn't answer in the first place. It is really messed up and so am I but, I am starting this year off right and that means that I am going to being seeing someone at the Christian Psychological Center. I have been trying to just handle this myself but it just isn't working so I am going to swallow my pride and go talk to someone that I think can help me.

   On a happy note, this year has brought some really good things too! We have a house that I think is perfect for our family and it makes it possible for Jack, and then Addison next year to go to the school that we think will be good for both of them! I finally got my own car!! Thanks to my brother-in-law we got a really good deal on my Ford Explorer and I love it!! I started my lia sophia business and am so excited to really grow it this year! I like the thought that I can work and bring home some extra money for us while still being able to be available for Jack and Addison whenever they need me!

   I am truly blessed and couldn't ask for a better family and friends!! It has been a roller coaster of a year but I really have high hopes for 2011 and like to say that it is going to be my year! I am going to get my health all in order including loosing all my extra 'baby' weight that I have been carrying for the past 4 years. I know, I know that sounds so typical but I am serious!! We will continue to pray that God blesses us with another little munchkin if that is his will. I can not wait to see what this new year brings us. I feel like we went through so much last year that we should be prepared for whatever this year brings. We shall see..... :)