2011 Will Be My Year!!

   When I look back on all that has happened in 2010 I am really kind of shocked that I made it through. I know that sounds bad, and that I didn't have it as bad as some people did but I would say that it was for sure a year of tears, worries and troubles along with joys and excitement.

   I learned what it is like to love someone so much that, to see them go through something so terrible and watch them hurt and struggle, that you actually feel all their pain with them. I didn't think that it was possible but it is and I am glad to know that I have a forever friendship with someone that is that powerful. I love you Leah and I am so happy that God gave me the best friend anyone could ever ask for!!! I feel like I could not thank you enough for all you have done for me!!

   I had some pretty scary health issues that I am working on over coming and I am so glad that for now my outcome with that looks really good! It will always be a worry in the back of my mind that it will come back and be worse than last time but I am leaving that in God's hands. It isn't easy to do that though. You hear everyone tell you to not worry that God is in control but how can you not worry. I have had a pretty yucky cold for almost 3weeks now and it has started to creep into the back of my mind that my immune system is probably down and that when that happens the risk of my hpv coming back is greater. But, with 2011 starting I am going to try this new chapter in life and hopefully do a little less worrying.

   One of the things that I have really been struggling with this year is my depression issues. I have had some problems with it in the past but never really wanted to completely come out and tell a lot of my friends and I feel like it has probably cost me some friendships and that just brings me to tears. I feel like I can't really explain how I feel to everyone where they will understand. This past month has been really bad. I had days that I just wanted to stay in bed all day, sleep and not see or talk to anyone. There are a lot of times that people will call me and I just can not talk to anyone and then I don't call them back because I feel like I need an excuse as to why I didn't answer in the first place. It is really messed up and so am I but, I am starting this year off right and that means that I am going to being seeing someone at the Christian Psychological Center. I have been trying to just handle this myself but it just isn't working so I am going to swallow my pride and go talk to someone that I think can help me.

   On a happy note, this year has brought some really good things too! We have a house that I think is perfect for our family and it makes it possible for Jack, and then Addison next year to go to the school that we think will be good for both of them! I finally got my own car!! Thanks to my brother-in-law we got a really good deal on my Ford Explorer and I love it!! I started my lia sophia business and am so excited to really grow it this year! I like the thought that I can work and bring home some extra money for us while still being able to be available for Jack and Addison whenever they need me!

   I am truly blessed and couldn't ask for a better family and friends!! It has been a roller coaster of a year but I really have high hopes for 2011 and like to say that it is going to be my year! I am going to get my health all in order including loosing all my extra 'baby' weight that I have been carrying for the past 4 years. I know, I know that sounds so typical but I am serious!! We will continue to pray that God blesses us with another little munchkin if that is his will. I can not wait to see what this new year brings us. I feel like we went through so much last year that we should be prepared for whatever this year brings. We shall see..... :)
  

Back to Reality

Wow!! What a great adventurous trip!! So, when we started our drive to Florida last Friday night Addison had a little bit of a fever. I just thought that it was a little cold from the weather change and maybe her allergies. Boy was I wrong! We made it to the beach Saturday around noon and everyone changed into their swimsuits and we went to the beach.

We spent to whole rest of the day on the beach. Addison wasn't really feeling good at all but she was determined to play in the water and have a good time. Later that night, after calling the on-call nurse for her pediatrician who thought it might be strep-throat, we decided that she needed to go see a doctor. All the minor-med type places were closed so Gene had to take her to the ER.

When he got her there they took her temperature and she was running a 104.5! They said that if she had gotten any higher it could have caused her to have seizures! I am so glad that we took her when we did!! When the doctor at the hospital asked her if she knew why she was there she told him, "I have a doctor's appointment." haha When they asked her if she felt bad she would tell them that she was fine. She was just wanting to get back to her vacation. My little trooper wasn't going to let this get in the way of her trip!! Turns out she had an extremely bad bacteria infection and after having the anti-biotic for a few days she was feeling much better.

We had so much fun in Disney World!! The hotel was amazing and the parks were really not that busy. All in all I think it was a very successful trip with 2 adults and 6 children driving 14hrs. there and back!! We are now having to find a way to adjust back to our normal routine and such. Ugh! I wish that we could stay on vacation forever!!

Florida Bound!!!!!

Today is the day!! We leave for Disney tonight!! We are going to drive through the night and get to the Clearwater area tomorrow morning. We are going to spend tomorrow and tomorrow night on the beach then drive to Disney on Sunday! I am so tired and still have so much to do before 5pm!!!

Addison had a small fever this morning so she is going to be just pleasant today. Ugh! Poor thing just isn't handling this weather change well at all! I can't wait to take them to the beach for the first time!!

Well, I think I am almost recovered from my procedure. It has been hard to rest and take it easy with Gene gone. The only thing that I have now is the occasional cramping and my back pain is still a bit of a problem but hopefully that will go away! I am not sure how the 14hr drive to Disney is going to be on me. I guess we shall see....

Recovering

So, I made it through the procedure and it was not very pleasant! I am still trying to recover. For whatever reason I am not just cramping but this has triggered my back pains again! I was in a car wreak over a year ago and was pretty much fully recovered just every now and then my back would give me problems. I guess this has just triggered it again for some reason.

Gene left yesterday for San Francisco and won't be back till Friday. I really hate it when he travels and this time is especially hard because I am having to get everything ready for our Disney trip!! We leave on Friday to start our drive down there. Gene flies in at 3pm and we leave at 6pm. I am soooo stressed!!

Thank you to all who have prayed and helped me through this!! Patricia stayed with me last night and is helping me get things cleaned up and organized since Gene is gone. I honestly don't know what I would do without her!!!! She is the best! If there is anyone that can help me and keep me sane and make me laugh it is her, Gene and Leah! I am so blessed to have all of them but especially Patricia this week!!                                                       

I am praying that I can get everything together and that this pain will go away before we leave! Right now driving in the car just makes it worse! UGH! Oh well I will really enjoy this vacation though!!

So much to do!!!

I feel really bad for all the things that I missed last week because I for whatever reason can't seem to remember things! I am so stressed it is not even funny!! I feel like I let people down all the time because I have so much going on and so many things to worry about that I can't be there for everything and everyone!!

That being said, today is the day that I have my procedure done to freeze my cervix. I am so nervous and trying not to freak out! Gene is taking off work early to take me and be there with me. I am so happy and thankful to have him!! He is the only one who can calm me down and make me feel better just by walking into the room! My doctor has given me a Valium to take before I go and I am hoping that helps. So this morning I am trying to get my house all clean so I don't have to worry about feeling well enough to get up and clean.

Jack has fall break this coming up week and then the next week we leave for DISNEY!! I have never needed a vacation more than I need this one now!!! We are getting to take my little sister and my nieces and nephew too! The kids are super excited but I think that I am more excited than they are. LOL We are getting to eat dinner in Cinderella's Castle!! I have wanted to do that ever since I went for the first time when I was 4!

Well, I hope I have better news to tell the next time I blog!! I am praying that this procedure takes care of everything and I can move on to bigger and better things like getting my insulin resistance in line and maybe having another baby...

This too shall pass...

I had my doctor's appointment on Thursday to get my results back from my biopsy. The bad cells are pre-cancerous so it wasn't completely bad news. The doctor is going to freeze my cervix to get rid of the bad cells. I am praying that it works because if it doesn't then he will have to go in and cut out those bad cells and for that I will have to be hospitalized. That would also cause some concerns for complications if I want to have another baby. There is also a chance that this could come back again and possibly be worse next time.

I have never had to deal with anything like this and it was and is very scary! But, I am going to trust in God that it is all in his hands and that it will all turn out how he wants it. I am very thankful that the results came out the way they did and it wasn't as bad as it could be. I sure does make you sit down and re-think how you live your daily life.

Well, I feel like I have been through a lot in the past 5-6 months and I feel like it has changed me for the better and that there is so much more happiness and excitement to come. I am sure there will be more hard times and things to deal with but they too will pass. For now I am going to focus on being a good wife, mom, friend, daughter, sister etc. Time to focus on happier things....like our trip to Disney World!!

Sometimes it just seems like one thing after another

We moved into our new house this May after much time and thought was put into where we should live in order to make sure that Jack and then Addison would be in a school that both we and they loved and could be happy at. I really love our new home!! I have been spending all my time making this house our home and it is coming along nicely if I do say so myself. :) We have some great new neighbors that we have become friends with and the kids are enjoying having a little more space to play and a much bigger backyard.

I would say that at least for me it seemed like everything was just falling into place and we would actually be really happy and not have so many worries or problems it was going to be almost like a fairytale. Little did I know that God was ready to show me that he is in control and that I needed to learn to trust and lean on him.

About 5 weeks ago I went into my obgyn to have my regular yearly check, talk to him about my PCOS, find out what might be causing me to have PCOS and how we could treat it while maybe trying to have another baby. I was told after being diagnosed with PCOS that getting pregnant again would be very hard but not even a month later we were pregnant with Addison our little blessing. So, naturally I didn't really take this seriously when I went to the doctor because I had over come, or at least thought that I had over come, this before.

The doctor did my yearly exam and then set things up to test me for insulin resistance, which is a main cause of PCOS in woman, and schedule an ultrasound to see how bad my cysts were. About a week before I was supposed to go in for my ultrasound my doctor's office called to tell me that my pap smear had come back showing that I had the possibility of pre-cancerous or cancerous cells on my cervix and that they wanted to do a procedure to biopsy the tissue to see how far along these cancerous cells were. To make a long story short...I went in and had the blood work done and the ultrasound and then they had to put off my procedure for 2 weeks. When I finally had the biopsy done the doctor found 3 places on my cervix that he was concerned about.